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Year 24: First Discovery

I'm BAAAAAaaaaaack!  It's been almost a month past age 23, and I've survived so far.  In fact, I have not only survived, but thrived!  I was so scared of turning 24, and yet scarcely a week went by before the Lord gave me one of the most powerful pieces of my testimony to His Glory I have ever experienced.

It is no secret that I have been abused in my past, at the hands of one person in particular.  I have recently been suffering the horrible effects of PTSD associated with said experiences.  I felt that my life was in some kind of stasis because I could not seem to break free of the emotional power this man had over me.

A lot of different things coincided at once about a week after my birthday, and I got fed up with it all. I was so frustrated, and as I sat on the edge of the bed venting all of this to my patient husband, it was like something just snapped inside of me.

"I have tried and tried, and I am just sick of it!" I told him.  "You know what?  I'm just done.  No more.  I'm just done with it.  I'm tired of fighting, so I think I'm just going to have to give up and give it to Jesus...In fact, I'm going to do that right now!"

Impulsively, I grabbed my husband's hand right then and there, lifted my other fist to Jesus, and just let go.  I told Him if He wanted it, to take it.  He needed to take that toxic power from me, because I did not have the ability to break free myself.  I was done holding on to it so I could fight within myself.  Jesus needed to fight this battle for me if He wanted me to be released from this calamity of spirit.

And He did!  My God took the power that past abuse had over me all on Himself!  He FREED me!  Because of the Cross, I am freed not only from my sin, but from the sin that was forced upon me!  I am ready to live again!  The very core of who I am is a testimony to Christ's grace, power, and love.  I am the daughter of the most amazing Father in the universe, God the Father!

I could not imagine my life past age 23, and consequently, spent the last several months of my 23rd year dreading the unknown.  But had I not traveled past 23, I would never know the amazing freedom, joy, and security of being under Christ's power rather than my abuser's.  Life after 23 remains one of discoveries, but I am so excited that my first was that of the incredible power of Jesus Christ!

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory my sing Your praise and not be silent.  O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever! 
     ~ Psalm 30:11-12

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