Life After 23

Kitty had a hard day Sunday.  Life is hard for a 1-year-old feline.  He learned a valuable lesson that I will probably have to reteach him every few days for a while.  He learned that I am the authority - or rather, that he is NOT.  Oh, poor kitty.  For examples of my four-legged friend's outlook on life, listen to his sad diary entries below. Cairo (the monster cat below) is not the only one who learned a lesson today from our weekend tousle.  I got fed up with him biting me and sneak attacking me.  This cat is one of the most lovable, affectionate house cats I have ever known, and he does not bite or scratch anyone else.  He has been in a dominance war with me, however, for several months.  Truth be told, I got angry, and something inside me snapped. This is Cairo, my kitty I was doing all the things the books and internet articles say you are supposed to do to display dominance.  We have spend months trying different tactics and none of them have worked.  Then

I found the floors in my house today!   No, I'm not remodeling the floors.  We just cleaned up and vacuumed.  It's funny how much an afternoon of cleaning can affect you.  I began the afternoon completely anxious, upset, and honestly...mean.  Very mean.  I was overwhelmed and felt like throwing a temper tantrum on the floor - which would have been impressive since this was before I found it. But I don't wanna clean the house!! As I started cleaning, the transformation was marvelous.  As the house transformed, so did my mood.  I went from tantrum to dancing. Many people comment on the fact that a messy house makes them feel depressed, in a bad mood, etc.  However, I think it was something else that made my heart so light - or rather, some one .  So I would like to express my public thanks to... My Husband There are so many things I could say about my husband.  I love bragging on him.  He deserves so much more credit than I give him, but for the sake of t

I started singing in the shower today.  That used to be an everyday occurrence, but hasn't happened very often since I lost my first baby to miscarriage.  It's a sign to me that joy is finally starting to come back into my life. It started out with me missing my old music and voice classes at college.  For nostalgia's sake, I started to do lip trills, a voice exercise I used to struggle with in early college, mostly to see if I could still do it.  I could!  From there it went to lip trill arpeggios, all the way down the scale.  Then I started singing some of the arias I learned in voice class.  Success waned there, as I first forgot words, then whole sections of melodies.  No matter!  I was on a roll at that point and nothing could stop me.  I started making up my own words and even melodies to fill in the pieces, and next thing I knew, I was closing my eyes and losing myself in song. I have always felt rather embarrassed to sing in what my family and friends call my &q

Let me paint the picture of where I sit at the dining room table right now.  I am in a navy blue and white tennis dress I got at Goodwill the other day and matching blue leggings I already owned (you're welcome McDonough for not getting a stripper show today).  Because dear husband is sleeping his poor exhausted heart out, I am wearing earbuds listening to a YouTube playlist of Fun. and Casting Crowns .  I just finished dancing like a maniac to a several of my favorite songs, so now my personal fan left over from my college dorm room is trained on my upper body, counteracting the effects of the sweat said exercise and my red mug of coffee is causing.  Kitty is playing with an unused paint stirrer on the floor under a table lamp on the desk-turned-sideboard. I am almost euphorically typing this post, eager to share with you the reason for my happiness on this sunny day.  My husband and I had a huge fight yesterday.  Why would I be happy about that?  Because when we have huge fig

Breaking News: Full-Time Homemaker Goes Public Why is there such a stigma around the old-fashioned homemaker? Why do we feel the need to say, "Well, I'm a homemaker, but I also..." What is so shameful in today's world about simply being a homemaker? Today, I decided enough was enough. I am a full-time homemaker, and I'm okay with that. No, not just okay, but happy about it! Here's why: I am not letting womanhood down. First of all, how arrogant I am to think that my personal choices for my private life somehow affects the course of woman as a gender. Second, how ridiculous it is for someone else to tell me what I can and can't do as a woman! This is directed at the chauvinistic voices of my past AND the ultra-feminist voices of my present.  If I want to be a career woman, by all means I have that right. In fact, there are plenty of examples of God-fearing women who worked outside the home in the Bible who were praised for their industry

I'm BAAAAAaaaaaack!  It's been almost a month past age 23, and I've survived so far.  In fact, I have not only survived, but thrived!  I was so scared of turning 24, and yet scarcely a week went by before the Lord gave me one of the most powerful pieces of my testimony to His Glory I have ever experienced. It is no secret that I have been abused in my past, at the hands of one person in particular.  I have recently been suffering the horrible effects of PTSD associated with said experiences.  I felt that my life was in some kind of stasis because I could not seem to break free of the emotional power this man had over me. A lot of different things coincided at once about a week after my birthday, and I got fed up with it all. I was so frustrated, and as I sat on the edge of the bed venting all of this to my patient husband, it was like something just snapped inside of me. "I have tried and tried, and I am just sick of it!" I told him.  "You know w

I made a pot roast today.  Not too exciting, but for me, it turned into a picture of my life.  I started with whole vegetables.  Everything had to be diced into little pieces, much like my heart this past year. But then I made sense of it.  I grouped the pieces together and it made a pretty picture. Making sense of all the pieces Alas, it could not stay this way.  I had to mix everything together.  It was hard work.  At first, all the ingredients didn't want to mix.  In the same way, I have a hard time coping with all the different aspects of my life getting all jumbled in my head.  It doesn't make as pretty a picture either. All jumbled up Then comes the waiting.  From the outside, it doesn't look like a lot is happening.  It's frustrating to wait for hours.  But inside the pot, changes occur in almost imperceptible increments.  Right now, it seems like my life is a mixed up pot of chopped up dreams, alone and still.  But God is working on the inside, me

Six months ago, I was on the brink of suicide.  So much had happened in so short a time that I could not cope.  I had struggled with depression for so long that in the face of new trauma, I could see no other way out.  By the grace of God, I stopped midway through the act. Today, I received the news that a close friend of mine lost his sister to suicide.  She had been struggling with depression for years and it finally claimed her life.  I have been to the edge and back again.  Now, I see a different side of it - the side of my friends and family had my decision that crucial day been fully realized. The question those left behind ask the most, I think, is, "Why?"  Why would a beautiful flower like her feel the need to end it all?  Why are the rest of us left here to suffer?  Why did God not stop her?  What was it that outweighed her desire to remain with those that loved her?  Was there anything we could have done to stop her?  To prevent this awful tragedy? Anger is no

Sometimes the tears just flow.  No one knows why, least of all me.  Logic says there is nothing in the world to cry about.  I have actually gotten good sleep for a change.  The pain has been manageable today.  The budget balances.  My husband loves me.  Cairo (my kitten) has been exceptionally well-behaved.  I have not had to speed clean the house in anticipation of "proper company." And yet the devil knows all the right moves to twist everything good about today into something discouraging.  I got good sleep, but at the expense of "wasting" my entire morning.  My pain is manageable because I took so much medicine last night that I'm still foggy-headed today.  The budget may balance, but we're barely making ends meet.  How can I be content in my husband's love when I feel so utterly inadequate to receive it?  I miss him when he's gone, but I'm too sick to be a good companion when he's home.  Why has Cairo been so calm?  Is he sick?  Is he s