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According to Grace: Proverbs 31 Woman

Growing up, I studied the Bible a lot.  I didn't study it every day of my literate childhood, but I definitely felt guilty about it when I got out of the habit.  I'd like to say that was because I loved the Lord a lot and wanted to hear from Him as much as I could, but that was a lie I told myself for most of my life.  I felt guilty about falling out of the habit of reading my Bible for the same reason that I studied so much Scripture: I was constantly searching for the correct formula to happiness and honor.

I look back over the copy of the Bible I read the most during my teen and college years, and it is covered with notes I wrote in the margins.  One of my most studied passages was the one describing what the evangelical community has dubbed the Proverbs 31 Woman.  I, like so many other church-going women, have held this group of verses up as my golden standard for the woman I want to be.  And as evidenced by the various ball point pen chicken scratches covering that page in my high school Bible, I have spent many hours trying to determine the formula to achieve this status.

Here's the final list I came up with after my fifth (at least) study of the last 32 verses of Proverbs:

 To be a good woman, I must...

  • be trustworthy
  • love my husband
  • be resourceful
  • be disciplined
  • make good investments
  • have strength of character
  • be in good physical condition
  • be a businesswoman
  • do the boring work
  • be generous
  • be compassionate
  • be practical
  • make myself beautiful
  • be elegant
  • make my husband popular and respected
  • be well-prepared
  • have joy
  • have hope
  • be dignified and strong
  • train up the young
  • have wisdom
  • be kind
  • be dilligent
  • run the home
  • invest in my children
  • focus on beauty of character
Today, I see this list as ranging from positive traits to the impossible.  Mostly, I see a list of do's and don'ts that ultimately take Jesus' grace right out of the picture.  Now that I understand salvation, I am reading everything in the Bible with new eyes.  Even the most legalistic sounding parts of Scripture need to be read in context of Christ's fulfillment of the law and the new covenant He formed with us on the Cross.

Notice the difference I saw when I re-read the same passage from this new perspective.  The impossible list that filled me with such anxiety, guilt, and shame is transformed into a description of a woman loved and redeemed by a Savior:

It is rare and precious to find an excellent wife (v. 10).  Her husband trusts her with his heart, so he is rich indeed (v. 11).  She is good for him.  She wants the best for him (v. 12).  She is a go-getter.  She doesn't ask permission for every little thing.  She makes a decision and just does it, whether it's managing the household or getting/working a job (v. 13-16).  Her heart and soul are strong (v. 17).  She is successful because she perseveres through the dark times.  Come rain or shine, Jesus shines from her heart like a cheery light (v. 18-19).  She is always helping people in need, opening her purse, home, and/or heart.  She seeks out those in need of help (v. 20).  She isn't afraid of poverty or danger, because she and her household are protected and covered by Jesus' blood.  That is all they really need (v. 21).  She takes time for herself to rest, feel beautiful, and be kind to herself.  After all, she is a princess in God's eyes - a valuable treasure (v. 22).  She is a partner in her husband's success.  Others respect him because of her attitude toward him (v. 23).  She changes with the times, always finding new endeavors to keep her busy.  It could be growing her business, making a career change, or looking after her family, but she always has a goal she's working toward (v. 24, 27).  She continues to develop quiet strength of character.  She is confident in her value according to Jesus.  She is no longer afraid of the future, and even looks forward to what God has in store for her.  She loves to laugh. She is secure. (v. 25).  She is kind.  She shares wise counsel in love to those who need it/ask (v. 26).  her children and/or husband love her and respect her.  They treat her with honor (v. 28-29).  She knows what matters: her relationship with Jesus.  Everything else is superficial.  She doesn't focus on how others see her/what others think of her.  She could be the most beautiful and charming person in her social circle and it wouldn't make a hill of beans difference without a relationship - a close relationship - with Jesus (v. 30).  A woman like this will be rewarded (v. 31).

How beautiful is that? What once was a source of despair for me has become a beautiful hope.  My salvation - and subsequently the Holy Spirit's presence in my life - makes this poem not a stipulation, but a promise.  That's the whole reason Jesus died for me; I could not achieve the picture of righteousness described in the Bible, so He achieved it on my behalf and then gave it to me!

I doubt very many people will read this, as this blog is mostly for me.  But if you are reading to the end, I leave you with this challenge, especially if you grew up in church.  Go back to those passages you read as a kid that made you want to give up because it was impossible to live up to those standards.  Read it as a promise from the Holy Spirit.  Then live free.
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